My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
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You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
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When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
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