Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
