dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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