so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
