can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize