Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
