I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
