The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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