And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
