things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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