my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Randomize
