just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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