I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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