she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
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