so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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