his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I did not marry a roomba.
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