her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
