11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
No subtext here. People are naked.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
