this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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