Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
