i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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