what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
