The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
