Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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