seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Randomize
