So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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