White coat. Heels.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Randomize
