Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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