I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
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The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
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I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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