drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
