question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
