the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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