I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
