Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize