and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
