I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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