I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
