you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I lost the right to judge tonight
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
