can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
