ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
