? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
