Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
