shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
