Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
