Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
