I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
