He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Im part way to drunk.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
