you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
