In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
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random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
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Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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