I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Randomize
