I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
