She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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