I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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