It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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