Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
