OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize