YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
