some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
40s are totally the cure
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
