i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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