She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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