I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
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