Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
