I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
