You're my little dorito
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
