i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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