so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
