Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
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