Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
