: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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