i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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