she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
