My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
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