smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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