Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
