That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
