Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
