1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Randomize
