I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
