Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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