Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
