Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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