have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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